I’m Moving!

Taken from www.ipfrance.com

 

Last year was a freakishly awful year for the most part. I’ve lost a lot of things, encountered many changes, and got my life turned inside out. The only (significantly) bright spot would be my little man. With these things in mind, I think now is the best time to move on and do the things that I should be doing in first place. As much as I found the entries in this blog therapeutic, my life is going towards a different direction now. Most of the things that I wrote here are no longer relevant to me, but I will keep them up because these post were a reflection of who I was during that time. Now I am leaving this blog as my online time capsule of my darker years. See you in my next adventure. This is Tracee signing off.

The Holidays. Ugh.

As the song goes, ’tis the season to be jolly. Ladies and gents, The holiday season has come to its peak in this tropical country with Christmas. Say hello once again to chilly smog-filled mornings, nightly traffic jams, and last minute gift shopping. Expect your weight and blood pressure reach skyscraper limits while your wallets get substantially burned. Oh what joy it is to ride the crazy old sleigh of this season.

Apologies to those who I put a damper on their holiday mood, but I’m just stating the obvious. This aversion towards Christmas wasn’t always the case for me. I was one of those kids who loved Christmas for the delicious meals, the chilly air, and the gifts that I received from Santa Claus even way after I knew that he didn’t exist (sorry kids.) In short, I looked forward to the holidays. Then I grew up, got myself hurt too many times, and encountered too many unpleasant situations that coincided during this season like a lot of people before me.

Nowadays, my holiday excitement peaks during Halloween. Everything would be downhill from there. This is definitely not a good thing, since I want to share this special day to the little guy. It’s his first Christmas and I don’t want to be his personal Scrooge or Grinch even if he won’t likely remember this year’s celebration.

As I think about how I am going to let my little one celebrate this season, I suddenly remembered what this season really was for. It’s about the beginning of the fulfillment of a loving God’s promise. That promise changed my life immensely, in a good way. Now if only I could remember it hard enough to share it with my little man. I hope the time comes that I can let go of all the Scrooge-ness or Grinch-ness in my heart.

3 Favorite Pinoy Blogs I Wish I Wrote

 

I’m putting my personal drama aside to go back to one of the things what I really love:  Blogging.

As an aspiring writer and voracious reader, I have always had come across books that dealt with topics I wished I thought of, or even wanted to write the book myself. I get giddy with anticipation whenever these authors release their new works. These authors inspire me to keep pushing for my dream no matter how uphill the climb towards it.

When I started blogging in 2003, I just viewed it as a way of expressing my angst-ridden teenage thoughts in the World Wide Web.  However, my view towards blogging matured as time passed and other people made their mark in the blogosphere. I saw blogging as a quick and powerful way to share one’s passion, bridge gaps and build communities. Here are some of the blogs and bloggers that I take my hat off to.

• Marketman of MarketManila - I first came across his blog back in 2009. His passion for finding the best and freshest ingredients for made a lot of Filipinos realize that people don’t need to become chefs to make and appreciate good food. I admire his insights on food and everything else.
• Lori Baltazar of Dessert Comes First –  Reading her entries is like experiencing the food itself. She describes every entry like you were also there eating alongside her. Her entries are definitely a treat for a girl like me who has been helping out her mom bake goodies since I was four.
• Stacy and Danah of The Plump Pinay - I only discovered this blog through one of my closest friends at work. Their blog is more than what anyone expects from a fashion blog. These fierce and fabulous bloggers inspire people to embrace themselves as who they are, and looking  their best while they’re at it.

Well, that caps off this list for now. I really hope I can write more and share what I’m passionate about in the coming days.

September: Then and Now

September 2010

I was the person I never thought I would be, in a bad way.  I abandoned everything I believed in as I take my arrogant self-centered behavior to another level. My family,  my friends  and my relationship with my Savior were put into jeopardy because of my recklessness and insensitivity. I betrayed my beloved polar opposite by lying, cheating and stealing and tried to hide from God through drinking, smoking and being with someone who will take me far away from Him. A major screw-up indeed. Little did I know it was the beginning of the end.

My health was the first that failed me. I was rushed to the hospital because of the toxic lifestyle I was leading. Then my nagging guilt drove me to confess and ruin two of the most valuable friendships I ever had. I pushed even more people away by participating in a family feud. Lastly, my involvement with a person who I thought was worth it turned into a nightmare the moment he told me  ”Can we not keep the baby?”. Yeah, it was the end of the world for me back then.

Now let’s fast forward.

September 2011

Today, I begin my third day of work from my maternity leave. It has been a year since I learned some hard lessons and turned my acts of defiance into something wonderful. I asked help from my God who I tried to hide from and got myself cleaned up and a bit more grown up. After my hospital episode, I said goodbye to alcohol, tobacco and excessive partying. My decision became permanent when I decided to continue my pregnancy, which led to the whole denial fiasco that my baby’s biological father ensued and my discovery of his many dark secrets. Now I am a mother to one of the smartest and adorable boys that I know. I have also reunited with some of my family members, and I have my son to partially thank for that.

But there’s just one more person who I pray will forgive me, and I hope for the best on that. Today, I’m just happy and thankful for everything that has happened both positive and otherwise. Despite my now sleepless nights, I have the joy and peace that has long eluded me last year.

The Pressure of Self-Improvement

This week is definitely not going so well for me. Aside from the ongoing pain and trouble that my son’s ever unreliable father has been causing me, I learned that I fell short on the numbers I need to be hailed “proficient” in my job for the nth time. To top it all off, I was told that I won’t be the one training my replacement during my maternity leave because I have verbal communication issues.  In short, I have trouble in organizing my thoughts and elaborate too much on the things I talk about.

At first, I wasn’t sure if I was really doing these things. After I heard the instances that was cited,and took note of my behavior this weekend, I told myself  ”Oh crap, they were right.” Maybe I have had this issue for a longer time, but this would be the only time that I felt so incompetent over it. It really doesn’t help that I got the news along with my disappointing numbers this month after working so hard to maintain a good standing for the last three months. I always crack under pressure on the last minute, I thought to myself.

The battle of proving myself and to everyone else around me has been a lifetime struggle. I was often told that I don’t have to please everyone, but experience tells me otherwise. Every time I fall short of something and people tell or show me that I ‘m not good enough, I take it harder than everyone else. The feedback that I get range from how I look physically (size, face), to the way I move (my walk, my klutziness), to my abilities (academics, singing, writing, every job that I had) and my behavior like the issue that I mentioned.

Despite the tons of feedback that I get, people say that I’m good at taking it all in. What they don’t know is  that in every comment/criticism that I get, it breaks me bit by bit. I may follow their advice and use it to improve myself, but it doesn’t mean that the pain caused by these words heals immediately. However, I’d rather torture myself and get all the feedback that I can than not know anything at all. It’s a necessary evil, I guess.

Eleanor Roosevelt once said that no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. I just wish I could develop the skill of accepting criticism without making myself feel worthless.

A Love Letter

Dear Babe,

I don’t know how many times I have said this, I love you. I still love you despite the many times that you have hurt me. Yes, Dominic Yu Ping Kun. I guess I am crazy to do so. It doesn’t matter how many times that you have hurt me or take me for granted. Take our last conversations for example:

1/31/2011
5:01:00 PM shironekomao@yahoo.com says:out of load

5:01:01 PM shironekomao@yahoo.com says:fine po

5:02:48 PM Tracee Lei Anne Alar says:ok. i’ll let my mom know then. and i hope you don’t mind, but, i’m running low on cash, i was wondering if you can shoulder the ultrasound and urinalysis test this saturday.

5:03:01 PM shironekomao@yahoo.com says:how much will it cost?

5:03:11 PM shironekomao@yahoo.com says:coz i just sent funds to cover partial payment ng bday ni jace

5:04:02 PM Tracee Lei Anne Alar says:i’m not sure yet, pero at cardinal it’s at 5k . we’re going to a cheaper place so sana mas mura.

5:04:10 PM shironekomao@yahoo.com says:sama

5:04:12 PM shironekomao@yahoo.com says:sna*

5:04:21 PM shironekomao@yahoo.com says:i dont have 5k to spend out of the blue T_T5:04:35 PM

Tracee Lei Anne Alar says:it’s not really out of the blue….

5:04:44 PM shironekomao@yahoo.com says:yeah but you only told me now

5:04:47 PM shironekomao@yahoo.com says:so its out of the blue

5:04:55 PM shironekomao@yahoo.com says:since i wasnt able to allocate budget for it

5:05:43 PM Tracee Lei Anne Alar says:okay. whatever. just tell me if you can shoulder it.

5:05:56 PM Tracee Lei Anne Alar says:if not, i’ll try to find other ways

5:05:58 PM shironekomao@yahoo.com says:give me an amount so i can see

5:06:09 PM shironekomao@yahoo.com says:coz im not very liquid at the moment

5:06:43 PM Tracee Lei Anne Alar says:i know that. i wouldn’t ask you if i had money of my own either.

5:08:51 PM Tracee Lei Anne Alar says:anyway, just set aside 1,000 to 2,000 if ever.

5:09:07 PM shironekomao@yahoo.com says:k

5:09:09 PM shironekomao@yahoo.com says:if i recall

5:09:18 PM shironekomao@yahoo.com says:libby had jace’s ultrasound at a place called humana

5:09:21 PM shironekomao@yahoo.com says:sa may chino roces

5:09:48 PM Tracee Lei Anne Alar says:i know. pero this place in san juan is cheaper than humana

5:10:21 PM shironekomao@yahoo.com says:k…

5:10:33 PM Tracee Lei Anne Alar says:humana is a medicard clinic. unfortunately our package does not cover pregnant women except in checkups

5:11:43 PM Tracee Lei Anne Alar says:one other thing, my mom still wants to talk to your parent. any plans of telling them soon? or at all?

5:12:10 PM shironekomao@yahoo.com says:not anytime soon

5:12:15 PM shironekomao@yahoo.com says:war kami ng mom ko ngayon

5:12:23 PM shironekomao@yahoo.com says:have to move out soon

5:12:27 PM shironekomao@yahoo.com says:so gipit talaga sa budget

5:12:39 PM Tracee Lei Anne Alar says:okay. you’re at war because?

5:12:45 PM shironekomao@yahoo.com says:meh

5:12:52 PM shironekomao@yahoo.com says:mom thinks everything i do is play/gambling

5:13:17 PM Tracee Lei Anne Alar says:okay….

5:13:38 PM shironekomao@yahoo.com says:simply because

5:13:40 PM shironekomao@yahoo.com says:she cant understand it

5:14:22 PM Tracee Lei Anne Alar says:well, most people would really consider it just playing you know.

5:14:39 PM Tracee Lei Anne Alar says:how about getting a real sideline?

5:15:39 PM shironekomao@yahoo.com says:*sigh*

5:15:46 PM shironekomao@yahoo.com says:find me one and i’ll do it

5:17:10 PM Tracee Lei Anne Alar says:well you’re the one who’s always saying you want to have a better sideline. why don’t you find one yourself?

5:17:25 PM shironekomao@yahoo.com says:you actually think its that easy?

5:19:01 PM Tracee Lei Anne Alar says:I didn’t say it was easy. but getting a headstart would help, since june is just 5 months away.

5:19:17 PM shironekomao@yahoo.com says:i’ve been trying to get a better sideline for months now

5:19:26 PM shironekomao@yahoo.com says:you think im just sitting on my ass here doing nothing?

5:23:22 PM Tracee Lei Anne Alar says:it’s not that. look you’ve got bills to pay, and a kid to support. let me just remind you that you also have another one on the way, who also needs your support. i’m not talking about the financial stuff alone. my kid needs a dad to stand by him. kung  kaya syang pangatwanan sa  lolo at lola nya. and all you can give me so far are stuffed animals.

5:25:31 PM shironekomao@yahoo.com says:so you were expecting expensive stuff?

5:25:43 PM Tracee Lei Anne Alar says:no, you are so missing the point

5:26:17 PM shironekomao@yahoo.com says:so dont keep pushing on me the fact im having a hard time providing for my kid and the one on the way and you all at the same time

5:26:21 PM shironekomao@yahoo.com says:i’m trying my best

5:26:29 PM shironekomao@yahoo.com says:if thats not enough then what the f do you want?

5:28:08 PM Tracee Lei Anne Alar says:you know what, i’m tired. you don’t get what i’m saying. it’s not just the money dammit

5:28:23 PM Tracee Lei Anne Alar says:whatever.

5:45:45 PM shironekomao@yahoo.com says:so my fault nanaman na di ko nagegets… fine

5:48:11 PM Tracee Lei Anne Alar says:you know what, can you kindly stop your pity party right now? instead of doing that, why don’t you try to understand why the heck i’m so angry at you right now? this is not not about me, or about you. i’m fighting because and for my kid. i hope that’s clear enough for you to understand.

5:50:23 PM shironekomao@yahoo.com says:and you’re making it seem i dont care about the kid

5:50:29 PM shironekomao@yahoo.com says:that i cant do anything

6:00:08 PM Tracee Lei Anne Alar says:hindi yun e. how many times are we going to talk about this? it’s not just about providing financial support for the kid. yung sabihin mo man lang sa parents mo once you found out I was pregnant, telling my mom about our situation (with jace and all), or yung kausapin mo lang ng matino yun mom ko, offering to see my dad to talk to him, ma-aapreciate ko na yun e.  pero wala e.

6:00:39 PM shironekomao@yahoo.com says:and how would i go see your dad?

6:04:44 PM Tracee Lei Anne Alar says:do i have to think of that as well? really? kasi if you wanted to in the first place, you’d go out of the way just to see him.

6:05:00 PM shironekomao@yahoo.com says:you know i dont like long trips T_T

6:05:57 PM Tracee Lei Anne Alar says:wow, what an AWESOME reason. look, i need to work. wala rin naman patutunguhan tong usapan na to e.

6:06:21 PM shironekomao@yahoo.com says:fine

You had no idea how much it hurt that you didn’t understand. That weekend, I waited for your message to see if you would come and bother to know our baby’s gender (He’s a boy by the way). I didn’t hear from you at all.  And there’s more to the story, love. After the time you didn’t show up, my mom wanted to talk to you about our plans. Remember the last time you met where you rambled a lot about video games? I did all that I could to defend you. That’s why my mom wanted to talk to you again.
2/1/2011
1:14:33 PM Tracee Lei Anne Alar says:My mom will meet you later 6:30 pm at the piazza. i gave her your contact details. expect here to be a few minutes late just in case may traffic.

1:15:12 PM Dominic Yu Ping Kun says:dont have my phone with me. left it at home. ask her where she wants to meet

1:16:15 PM Tracee Lei Anne Alar says:just meet her at coffee bean at 6:30pm. wait a little later just in case ma-traffic sya.

1:16:21 PM Dominic Yu Ping Kun says:kk

Sadly, you never showed up. You have no idea how disappointed I was that I just lost interest talking to you that day, as well as the days that followed.

2/1/2011
8:03:22 PM shironekomao@yahoo.com says:you didnt tell your mom na naiwan ko cell ko sa bahay?

8:03:51 PM Tracee Lei Anne Alar says:i told her… look i’ve got to go.

2/2/2011
11:41:39 AM Dominic Yu Ping Kun says:happy new year dear…

2/7/2011
5:01:29 PM Dominic Yu Ping Kun says:hi dear

5:29:46 PM Dominic Yu Ping Kun says:fine ignore me po. gratz na lang.

February 7 was the day you learned that our child was a little boy. I was hoping you’d say something else, but the congratulations was as if I was really on my own. Am I really on my own with this one, love? I would take 2 weeks before our last real chat conversation.

2/15/2011
11:24:05 AM Dominic Yu Ping Kun says:ako nanaman di namamansin. sino kaya di namamansin satin? T_T hayz

11:29:31 AM Tracee Lei Anne Alar says:i was out, and i’m busy. i replied yesterday, so you can’t tell me that.

11:29:46 AM Dominic Yu Ping Kun says:yeah but what am i hearing from other people again?

11:31:49 AM Tracee Lei Anne Alar says:hmm…from how this conversation is going, we might end up fighting again, which is a waste of time really. plus, i never said anything that wasn’t true. it’s a surprise that you actually care of what other people think all of a sudden. you didn’t care the last week, or the other week for that matter.

11:32:18 AM Dominic Yu Ping Kun says:hayz. so everything i do now is a waste of time. fine

11:32:22 AM Dominic Yu Ping Kun says:cge later na lang. i got work

5:47:11 PM Dominic Yu Ping Kun says:ingat pauwi

That was the last I have heard of you. Since then you have seem to drift away… You unfriended me on Facebook, hardly replied to my messages, and blocked/avoided me in our office IM service. Then I learned recently from a mutual friend a hurtful revelation from you:

Mutual Officemate: kasi natanong q nga cya ilang mos q na kaung ndi nakikitang magkasama

Mutual Officemate: so inask q cya kung bakit

Mutual Officemate: sabi nia eh war nga kau

Tracee Lei Anne Alar: yun lang sinabi nya? hehe i’m not surpised he didn’t tell you why.

Mutual Officemate: i also asked about the father of your baby, sabi nia ndi nia alam

Mutual Officemate: kasi it’s something personal, kaya ndi nia tinatanong

Mutual Officemate: so akala q ndi cya

Tracee Lei Anne Alar: wow, amazing. he does deserve to be filed a case against

Tracee Lei Anne Alar: world class ang BS nya ha

Tracee Lei Anne Alar: he knows very well that this is his baby.

Mutual Officemate: kalma ka lang, baka ayaw lang nia iopen up sa akin ung situation nio

Tracee Lei Anne Alar: that’s BS ate

Mutual Officemate: cyempre baka may mutual decision na kau

Tracee Lei Anne Alar: sobrang kapal talaga ng mukha ng hayop na yan.

Tracee Lei Anne Alar: i’m sorry, but after what i found out i’m just even more convinced

Mutual Officemate: so ndi pa kau nag-uusap? pag-usapan nio muna yan

Mutual Officemate: para din sa baby mo

Mutual Officemate: mahirap may sama ng loob, maaabsorb ng baby mo

Tracee Lei Anne Alar: he hasn’t talked to me since february. he texted me last weekend after i told his ate via FB na buntis ako. biruin mo, 6 months na nakalipas, di nya parin sinasabi na buntis ako?

Tracee Lei Anne Alar: i was gonig to be reasonable with him, pero after what i found out sa’yo ate, wala na talaga.

Mutual Officemate: ganito na lang gawin mo, talk to him, patch things up

Mutual Officemate: ang mahalaga na sau ung anak mo

Tracee Lei Anne Alar: iniintay ko lang yung pirma nya sa BC ng anak ko. pag di sya pumirma at di nya sinustentuhan anak nya, sa korte na talaga kami magkakaharap.

Mutual Officemate: ganon na nga lang, pero for now enjoy ur pregnancy kasi minsan lang yan

Mutual Officemate: iba kasi feeling after manganak

Mutual Officemate: dito lang aq if you need advice

Mutual Officemate: anything above and under the sun

Tracee Lei Anne Alar: thanks ate.   pasenya na kung biglang uminit ulo ko a. sobra na kasi talaga ginagawa nya. andyan ba sya?

Mutual Officemate: yup nasa likod q lang, kaya ndi aq masyadong makapag-type

Mutual Officemate: haha

Tracee Lei Anne Alar: hahaha! okay. if you don’t mind ate, pwede ko ba ishare kay **** yung nalaman ko sayo today? i’m consulting with her about what i should do about this kasi.

Mutual Officemate: yep ok lang, mas maganda nga un eh

Mutual Officemate: fight for your right, pero wag masyadong papa-stress

Tracee Lei Anne Alar: thanks ate.   i really appreciate it.

Mutual Officemate: ur welcome

That conversation ended in a very personal note:

Mutual Officemate: one more thing, mejo personal lang….

Mutual Officemate: anong nagustuhan mo kay N?

Mutual Officemate: haha

Tracee Lei Anne Alar: iniisip ko nga e. akala ko kasi mabait e. pero dapat talaga nauntog nako noo pa lang nung nalaman ko na tinago nya sakin na may baby na sya.

Tracee Lei Anne Alas: ewan ko ba.

Tracee Lei Anne Alar: hahaha

Mutual Officemate: haha oo nga, pero it’s a lesson na for you

Mutual Officemate: bsta love your son, for whatever it is siya lang magiging kakampi mo in the end

Mutual Officemate: saka sana maayos kau ng daddy nia kasi mahirap na makita ng anak nio un

Mutual Officemate: goodluck and god bless!

Tracee Lei Anne Alar: thanks ate…

By now my dear, you probably know the true point of this letter. It’s far from love really, but I hope it gets through to you. Maybe one day we can fix all this animosity in one way or another. For now, I greet you a belated happy April the 1st.

The Mother of Your Son,

Tracee

Full Circle

November 16, 2009

It’s funny how life works out in its sick sense of humor. I used to appreciate this aspect of life, until the joke was on me.

The recent turn of events just proved that just when you thought everything’s changing, you’re the only one who doesn’t. Well then again, I had a major part in screwing things up for myself anyway. As some old baseball player puts it, it’s like deja vu, all over again.

You see three years ago, I had a dark secret that drove my conscience to the edge. I risked my friendship, my family and my reputation for some stupid thing that I did one drunken night. That’s on top of the other awful things that I did. When co-perpetrator decided to tell all, the world just came crashing down on me and I crumbled. From that point, I picked up the pieces, asked for Divine Intervention to help me clean up my act since i can’t do it alone. My life became pretty peaceful, albeit less exciting, for the last two years.

However, the things that I’ve been doing  lately is like going back to the old days. I’m beginning to enjoy again the long nights out and just expressing myself in the ways that I used to before everything fell apart. It was like a part of me wanted to rebel from my calm and normal life just to be her crazy, reckless self again. I enjoy the feeling of loosening up from the beliefs that I held on for the last two years and taking risks once more, but sometimes I scare myself. Bringing this up is like ripping up a healing wound only to make it bleed again. I don’t want to believe that a leopard can’t change its spots, but maybe that’s true in my case.

Three years have passed, and I am still the same girl, just a little more curvier, responsible and maybe a bit wiser. The question is: How long can I control myself until everything blows out of proportion again?

 

Grief of Two Kinds

November 25, 2009

Despite my flaws, I must admit that I have a very soft spot for my family. Yesterday was the time where this was especially true. All of us received a painful news: Tito Dave passed away from a massive heart attack at an early age of forty.

I was at work when my brother called me up and told me what happened, shock and disbelief overcame my then perky caffeinated self. The only words that I could recall in that conversation was “Patay na si Tito Dave” and “heart attack” while the rest of our conversation was a blur. I was not quite sure who to call or what to do. The first person I could think of was my closest cousin who is working as a nurse in Jeddah. After the said cousin called home and loads of confusion and tears, the news was revealed. Tito is coming home to the Big Guy Upstairs.

The only thing that I could do that made sense to me when I found out was to cry, cry some more and write a lot. Everything else was incoherent. Grief is kind of a new territory for me. This may not be the first time that I lost a loved one, but it hit me like a boulder that came from nowhere. The Big Guy has a bizarre way of calling me and my family’s attention. While talking to one of my cousins, I told her that I kind of understand why the Big Guy took Tito. He lived a pretty full life for someone that young. What I do not quite understand yet is that why did he take him back from us so soon and quite sudden. Maybe it’s not for me to understand, but I digress.

Aside from our family’s personal grief, I also grieve as a Filipino and a girl who dreamed and still dreams of becoming a journalist for the country. Based from what I have read and the photos that I have seen, theelection related massacre of 57 people in Maguindanao early on in this race is both enraging towards the murderers and heartbreaking on the part of the victims’ families. This atrocity is proof that blood is the price that our country’s journalists and activists pay for our alleged freedom of expression and the press.

This issue deserves another post, which I might do so later on. As of now, let me just have time to gather my thoughts on the topic. Emotions are trying to consume me too much.

 

Liaison

November 17, 2009

Something I’ve been working on lately…Subok lang.

Sudden looks, Accidental brushes…

It’s amazing how one yearns for someone so near,

Yet untouchable, unreachable.

So many means, yet without a happy end.

Only in our stolen moments, our eyes meet.

Our voices cloaked within our deep breaths.

For no one can tell,

No one should know…

Only our eyes and our touch speak

for themselves.

 

Men…MEH.

November 15, 2009

 

“Men are like gum anyway – after you chew, they lose their flavor.” - Ally McBeal

Last night, I was talking to my friend over drinks about my love/hate relationship with you’ve guessed it, men. Boys, if you want a little bit of superiority over the opposite sex. Well, it doesn’t really make much difference in my case.

I kind of noticed that as I got older, it became harder to find someone to love. Well, it’s not that I am actively looking for it yet. I do know the search is not as easy as it used to be. The theory that my friends and I used to have about men is starting to come true as time passed. All the good men are either taken, gay, or worse, both taken and gay. >.<

Maybe this is just anxiety kicking in because most of my friends are either taken or hitched at an early age. There are times that it kind of makes me unsure if it’s still okay not to look for the One yet. Maybe I have this lingering fear that I might not ever find that person to love and choose another slew of Mr. Wrongs in the future.

Nevertheless, it’s so tempting to just detach from all these thoughts and just forget men. Hold that thought. Complicated as they may be, I don’t think that I’m ready to be a misandrist anytime soon.